Kogo UBC

Strange request

Sammy went to a carpenter and said, "I need a box that is two inches high, two inches wide, and fifty feet long. You think you can make it?"

"Well..." mused the carpenter. "I can do it....but I wonder what would you want a box like that for?"

"It is like this," said Sammy, "my friend moved to a new neighborhood and forgot some things, so he asked me to send him his garden hose."

Archiving software

http://www.mediafire.com/download/7lr3q063mryedg2/FWI.zip

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We don't need traitors in URP

True, let's expel Isaac Ruto. We don't need traitors in URP who believe in rocking the good working Uhuruto team in the guise of a fight for devolution. What is devolution when we've got the once-in-a-while acting president? We in URP love our president and DP because THEY ALONE know what is good for Kenya.

Isaac can go become the governor of Nairobi or Homa Bay county.

We know CORD is using Sosion and Isaac to divide the Kalenjin. We're BEHIND (in!) government.

 

AFRICA DOESN'T NEED THE WEST

For a long time we have played donkey to the west,now Africa is straigtening its back.We will not ask for permission to stretch our muscles.Not from anyone.

Obama must be told.

Go Uhuru,stretch as much as you can.

 

RUTO'S SPEECH DURING NATIONAL PRAYER BREAKFAST

MUTUNGA TO MEET OBAMA IN SENEGAL

REPUBLIC OF KENYA
THE JUDICIARY
OFFICE OF THE CHIEF JUSTICE
Tuesday, June 26, 2013
MEDIA RELEASE
Chief Justice Willy Mutunga leaves the country tomorrow for Dakar, Senegal, to attend a meeting with US President Barack H. Obama alongside 11 other chief justices from Africa. The invitation to the meeting was relayed through the US Embassy in Nairobi and signed by Ambassador Robert F. Godec. The US Embassy has offered to meet the costs of the trip. The meeting between the African chief justices and President Obama is expected to focus on the role of the judiciary in democratisation.

 

A LETTER TO HELB -CEO

I am aware that in the recent days, Kenyans have adopted the habit of writing 'OPEN LETTERS TO' so and so. Some of these are purely publicity stunts. Yet there are others coming from deep within ours hearts. Mine lies here.

I am not sure you know this, but Moi University (Main Campus) has its third years in session; class of 2011-2015. Their recalling was actually by accident. While they expected to be recalled back to school somewhere in July or August, they were recalled on April 15th. That is over two months ago.

While I appreciate that yours isn’t a gutter organization, driven to serve a few hundreds, I must bring to your attention the plight of these men and women; those waiting to take up your position when that time comes.

We have tried to seek communication with your office, Mr CEO. We have tried. We have approached administrators, accountants, Deans and DVCs here at main campus, seeking to know why we haven't received any financial boosting from your side. Some of them claimed that HELB was a separate entity and, as such, any complaints should be addressed directly to it. And yet these were the same people that recalled us back with no financial grounding.

A few days ago, we came across an announcement. Your team would be coming over to deal with this issue. This was after a list was pinned on the notice board, revealing hundreds of names of those that had qualified for disbursements. Yet three weeks later, our accounts remain thirsty.

We start our exams in four days. And the university has a policy of not letting anyone sit examinations without first clearing their fees. We have tried to negotiate, only to reach a dead end. Until now, no one has spoken to you about this, or even written. If they had, I would not have to do this. (I hate writing long letters by the way.)

I have not met you before, and I am hoping one day I will. But I am sure that in your capacity, you can do something to help, if you so wish. This hope is what drives me, and many others, to ensure that none of us misses their exams, simply because they can't afford to clear their fee balance. Or have to go for days without meals, with no surety that all shall be well.

We hear there was a message relayed to us; that we would receive the money in a fortnight. That's the same time our exams end. We ask, how shall we start?

I don't need to conclude this, but ask that you take appropriate measures to deal with this issue. And if possible, do so in haste. In the meantime, I shall prepare for my exams, knowing that our prayers will be answered. And funds disbursed. Kind regards.

 

AN OPEN LETTER TO THE MANAGING DIRECTOR EAST AFRICAN BREWERIES LIMITED (EABL)..

Dear sir/ madam
RE: HELP US REPAY OUR HELB LOAN... I hereby write on behalf of thousands of students who took the
above loan in order to softly pursue their studies and develop their careers.The loan was good and it put a smile on many comrades' faces. Just the other day, the HELB management team put a huge notice on a local newspaper demanding that
all beneficiaries of the loan to quickly commence repayment. Like me, most of the beneficiaries are either unemployed, mis-employed or under- employed. We would really like to pay but we have no hope and no means. I therefore request that the great EABL help us to repay this loan since a very large percentage of our HELB LOAN was spent on your lovely products. it is our hope that if EABL executes for us this favor,we shall maintain our drunkenness and even extend it beyond the borders of this great republic.
Thanking you in advance,i look forward
to your prompt response.
Yours faithfully
ALL COMRADES.
cc
PRESIDENT OF KENYA,
ALL VICE CHANCELLORS
INSPECTOR GENERAL OF POLICE
CEO, NACADA
CEO, LONDON DISTILLERS

Museveni is right: African nations worship the US

To an extent, he was right. But not in the sense of worshipping the way we do God.

That the US behaves like a god is common knowledge. I think we Africans give so much attention to what the US says that we forget what is important to us. That is why President Museveni thinks Africa is worshipping America.

HAPPY FATHERS DAY.

CAMPUS TERMS AND THEIR REAL TRANSLATIONS

In campus, we have some common phrases that are popular among the student fraternity. And as a communication student who is very keen on the language use during conversations and chats, I found it ‘worthy’ to compile this list just in case you needed to know the REAL meaning/translation of some of this phrases.

‘K’− You are totally boring and I want to end this conversation.

“Oh”− I don’t know what else to say

“Ok”− I am busy

“Yup”− Stop talking to me

“Umemaliza assignment?”− I have not done my assignment and I want to copy yours right now.

“I got swag” − I am just another overgrown teenager who still thinks acting stupid makes one famous.

“Me ni hustler”− I am broke most of the time

“Uko single?”− I was dumped the other day; I am, therefore, interested in you.

“Uko stage?” − I am about to come there so prepare to buy me food or booze

“My twin”− My close friend who looks nothing like me

“Hii story hapana!”− This is no longer a laughing matter and this situation is now considered serious.

“My heart is taken but I’m single”− She/he doesn’t love me any more

“Siwezi make kutembea, nimechoka”− unless you are buying me chips or smokie, I am not willing to go with you

“Me ni half cast”− I am ashamed of my original tribe and therefore I can’t mention it in public

“I am broke”− I only have enough money for ME.

“Umm.. I got a boyfriend “− Not only are you ugly, you are broke too. Get out of my face

“Whatever!”− I refuse to continue the conversation because you have ruined my mood!

“Why are you lying?”− Why are you telling people something TRUE that I don’t want them to know?

“LOL”− I was flirting, but just in case you are not feeling it, I will make it seem like a joke

“Girl, you will not believe what happened to me”− Prepare to hear my exaggerated version of the story

“I swear sitaambia mtu yeyote”− except my three best friends, my boyfriend, his sister and that random guy on FB, everyone else won’t know about it!

“Mwakenya”− an external micro hard disk that is very essential for intellectual reinforcements in the exam room (as per University student’s dictionary, Moi Uni Edition 2013)

“Naenda library kuchop”− Exams are beginning tomorrow

“Class imebounce”− God answered my prayers. I now have extra 3 hours to watch my favourite series

“Unaishi hostel gani?”− I am idle today and therefore I wouldn’t mind visiting you at your place.

“My dad loves me so much”- I receive M-Pesa messages on regular basis from my father.

WHO WILL SAVE KENYA FROM TRIBALISM?

I am a keen follower of the Comrades Forum page on Facebook and what I see being posted on it keeps me wondering, who will ever save Kenya from this thing called tribalism? Someone said, the worst mistake one can ever do to one is giving them knowledge when they lack wisdom – what will the knowledge be used for?

When a student from the University of Nairobi still thinks in the line of Njuguna, Otieno and Wafula, who will ever save Kenya? Some of the posts on that page are so irritating that I sometimes contemplate on unliking the page but again running away from a problem is cowardice!

When I went home after completing the second semester of my second year, the elders set to interrogate me to gather information on how I was ‘fairing’ in my quest to find a wife (I wonder who told them I was looking for one). Of course I had to tell them I had someone. But what they were interested in was not me having someone but the name of that person! Chepleting, I told them.

They all frowned, why, because Chepleting is from Rift Valley and I am from Western. These are old men who didn’t step into any class; they think like that guy who wakes up every morning to go study in the Jomo Kenyatta Library. The difference here is that one group has knowledge and lacks wisdom and another group lacks both.

If we, university students can’t be differentiated from the villagers who didn’t go to school, who will ever save Kenya? Will we continue blaming tribalism on this and that forever? I think that page entertains some of the most insensitive students in Kenya. Many of them need rehabilitation to get out of the bondage of tribalism.

Surely, how do we expect the class one kids (who by next year will be on Facebook and Twitter) to emulate us? What will they learn from us? We who still think Uhuru Kenyata is Kikuyu and not the president of Kenya, who insists on using the second name of our deputy president rather than the first one for the simple reason that he is from the Kalenjin community.

A guy posts, “the Kikuyu are thieves”, out of the urge to protect his tribe. Another comments, the Luo are uncircumcised! And these are the same people we expect to be ‘good’ leaders tomorrow. These are the people who, even after four years in campus, leave the same way they came in, having wasted four years in the system.

It’s my opinion that university students need to stand out and initiate the process to end tribalism in Kenya. We do not need to watch videos of what happened after the 2007 general elections to know that tribalism is what derails Kenya’s development. If we hadn’t done what we did then, we wouldn’t be talking of settling the internally displaced persons. TJRC could not exist to waste millions (money that would have been used to build another super highway to my village or added to the thirty five thousand shillings I get from HELB) in its sitting and prepare a report, one I doubt will ever be implemented.

Tribalism is hard to decimate. This is a perception not the reality. It all starts with me and you. If I don’t see my roommate as Kamba or Kisii, there is no way I will see my lecturer as a Luo and thus my president as a Kikuyu.

It’s all in the mind. It’s only that we don’t want to end tribalism in Kenya. It would end if we wanted it to. Surely, there is no way we can all be from the same tribe, that’s impossible!

WHY YOU SHOULD NOT MARRY A NAIROBI WOMAN

1. She believes she is a doll

2. When she is single her net pay is
ksh.20,000 but her rent is
15,000,Transport.5000,clothing 5000 and
food 10,000.You will probably marry a
whore.

3. She's never happy without wealth.

4. Equality dominates her thinking.

5. She only says "thank you" when she
sees money on the table.

6. If you run broke,nothing will stop her
from cheating.

7. Artificial nails,artificial hair,artificial
skin colour,artificial hips,artificial
breasts.

8. Drinking is part of her diet.

9. At age 8: You take her to bed and tell
her a story.

10. At age 18: You tell her a story and
take her to bed.

11. At 28: You don't need to tell her a
story to take her to bed.

12. At 38: She tells you a story and takes
you to bed.

13. At 48: You tell her a story to avoid
going to bed.

14. At 58: You stay in bed to avoid her
story.

15. At 68: If you take her to bed, that'll
be a story.

ADDICTIVE SOCIAL MEDIA

Referring to Isaac Meso's article "Half-baked graduates who is to blame?", it is my opinion that social media is to blame for being too addictive. Most university students can't do without it. The desire to text frequently, tweet, Facebook, among other social networking activities is higher than that of the desire to take alcohol or smoke cigarettes in a day. According to my observation from a sample campus population, about 90 per cent of the student population access the Internet daily.

We are in a digital world and communication has been made easier these days. However, our ability to think is now driven by social media such that if we were to be disconnected from it for a day some of us may fall sick. We no longer read widely, we use Google whenever we have assignments.

The reason behind most university students using 'mwaks' is attached to social media. We spend most of our time on Twitter, WhatsApp, 2go and other social networking sites instead of taking time to concentrate on academic work. I can firmly say that social media has deprived us of our talents. We can't go to the field to play because we are stuck to our phones. The essence of social media is to make communication easier, not to create laziness among us. Remember, no employer in the job market will recruit you based on the time you access social media sites.